I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
