Tell her she can't have a vagina
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
