did you get engaged???
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
