He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
