I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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