So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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