remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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