how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
