also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize