I want to have your abortion
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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