is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
