Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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