nut hugger
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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