I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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