The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We left an ass print on the piano.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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