If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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