You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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