I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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