There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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