is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
