mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
