Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think my moral compass just broke
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
