the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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