What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
