By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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