You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
