I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
