just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
