Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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