dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
