he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
