I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
