you guys were way drunker than both of me
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
