If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
