I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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