Your face is a jimmy john
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
