There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
