Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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