i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
