Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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