Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
