I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
