i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
