Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
