So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
