somebody snuck up and got me drunk
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
