I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
