It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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