# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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