He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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