how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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