Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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