Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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