ya dads aren't the best wingmen
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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