Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
