1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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