Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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