toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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