i need an iv and a liver transplant
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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