and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize