I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I deserve this hangover.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
