Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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