I need help removing her.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
