my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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