After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
