He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
