Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
