I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
