just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
