She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
