How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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