She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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