Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
