Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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