I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
