quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
