Your mouth is God's brothel.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
